A Random Discourse by XLNH
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Disclaimer: The editor has not edited the language to retain the original flavour of the article. The views stated here do not represent the views of pULSE. For the repulsed, take it with a pinch of salt and have a good laugh.So, you have managed to lie through the medical interviews and have gotten the golden and much coveted disruption letter. People hail you now that you have gotten into the most prestigious course in Singapore and you don't have to see your sergeant's face anymore. You try to associate your life (and am not ashamed to do so) with medical stuff like putting up a stethoscope as your msn display picture or creating silly uncalled-for blog names like funkydoctor.wordpress or hugeblackperineum.blogspot and start having orgasmic dreams about partying all night with half-naked nurses. Sorry to burst your bubble, but take this from your senior: YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.
XLNH brings to you this in-your-face guide on how to survive M1. Remember, this is not a guide to get onto the Dean's List, so, use this wisely and with much caution. For the latter guide, please check with your friendly neighbourhood mugger toad.
1. ENVIRONMENT: The environment sucks. No doubts about it. The whole campus looks like a freaking African sanatorium. Drabbed in gray dull shades, the medical faculty is really the epitome of 100% functionality and 0% aesthetics. There are two entrances to NUS.One end, from the NUH side, you have all the geeky faculties with their bespectacled nerdy students like Science, Computing, Medicine, Dentistry etc and on the other end you have all the good-looking, smart, macho, witty faculties like Music, Real estate, Arts and Social Sciences. We already get enough BAD stereotype , but that's not all. While people from Yong Siew Toh Conservatory of Music get all the avant-garde architecture, all we get are dull dilapidated derelict blocks.
If you thought army food was bad, wait till you check out the Science Canteen, otherwise named "Frontier". It makes me wonder why they call this disgusting canteen frontier? The frontier of shit, the frontier of vomit or the frontier of shit plus vomit? The food here SUCKS CAMEL BALLS. For it to be named the best canteen is really too much of a joke. Sometimes I feel like scanning my 11B up the asses of all these vendors at the Frontier. Not just that, the canteen is so crowded with students (many of them foreign, math equations spewing )of other faculties that the wait for your food just gets exasperating and unbearable. If you wish for some kamikaze just go ahead and grab something from Bambino's. Nice name, right? Yeah I used to think so until I tried their COLD, and utterly unpalatable pasta. You're almost guaranteed to choke on your vomit. Spinelli , a cafe-styled outlet tucked into the far corner of frontier, sells good snacks, notable examples include Oxford Ginger (naked ginger girls from oxford).
The good news is that we've Enclave at the NUH side. Much better food, but horrendous queue for lunch, and it gets boring after a while. Nasi Padang there is oily and high in cholesterol( beware hyperlipedemia, get that, and soon you'll be having statins for lunch), tasty and superb but promises to clog up your arteries. But still, a wise choice over Frontier - and do check out the 20cents/drink machines along the stairways from the Dean's Office to Enclave. And you get a respite from checking out the ladies decked in office wear. No no, not those cleaners you sick perverts.
Here we arrive at a very sensitive and interesting part of medicine. Because the way Singapore teaches medicine is somewhat modelled after the primary school classroom system, the medical faculty is often like a family, a home, those idiots will tell you. BULLSHIT! Because the medical faculty is an enclosed area and people literally see each other almost everyday (no modular system), the medical faculty is the hell-spawn of all backstabbing, rumours and other what-nots. So how to avoid all these backstabbing? Well, really, the saying goes: If you can't hide from something, go ahead and make it worse.
2. STUDYING: So, are you depressed enough yet? Now let's make this even harder for you: Medicine is not about intelligence, no its not. Medicine is not about many things we normally consider the hallmark of intelligent studying. Medicine is about mugging the gargantuan amounts of information, piecing them together and then regurgiatating all of it onto your pieces of exam paper. Sad but true. Anatomy is going to spank your balls when you go for your first lecture, especially when the lecturers fail to whet your appetite by rantling off obscenely long names and their multiple functions. But don't let that discourage you, anatomy is by far the easiest (to pass) module ever in Medicine.
Biochemistry is a department where you can sit back & eat your popcorn NOT because they make it easy for you to understand concepts BUT because you will NOT understand a single thing they say.
Physiology, oh yes the great physio department. Efficient people but otherwise very strict and cruel. They murder people for exams. Physiology is more of understanding, many will say. BULLSHIT. How can anyone understand without mugging through the stack notes a few times over? Stop lying to yourself, yes, medicine is all about brainless mugging.
Now, let XLNH answer a few of the questions we KNOW m1s want ask...
Qns: Do I need SNELL/Lippincott/Guyton to pass my M1?
Ans: SNELL is for people who enjoy eating books. Go for baby moore. All text books for biochem are SHIT. Just use the notes. For physiology, get baby guyton, Papa guyton is going to spank your ass real hard as you will have problems swallowing all the chunky info together.
Qns: Do i need to go for histology prac?
Ans: NO! Just skip everything. Before SPOTS, just attend Prof Kaur's histology review and ask some hardworking friends to take all the pictures of her slides. Don't worry about histology, because during normal labs,all you would see are just heaps of stained mess anyway..
Qns: Do i need to go for anatomy lab lessons?
Ans: Yes! But please do not be so kiasu, hog teachers, crash slots and write down everything the doctor says. And DON'T PLAY YOUR GUITAR in the small rooms when people are having lessons in the main hall.
Qns: Should I attend Prof Voon's pre-lab lectures?
Ans: Maybe, if you are competitive. Well I did, but it didn't help me. The best thing to do is to simply to read your Snell once. Like i mentioned, SNELL/Baby Moore is vital to passing anatomy. You really will need one.
Qns: Do I need to study to pass?
Ans: Yes you need to study, a lot. But don't overstress yourself. Allow time for entertainment and rest.
Qns: Are there cute girls to spot in med library?
Ans: No, there aren't.
Qns: Are there cute boys to spot in med library?
Ans: No, there aren't.
Qns: Does being a mugger help me get onto dean's list?
Ans: I'm more concerned about helping people not get into the kicked-out list.
Qns: Do I need to attend tutorials?
Ans: I wasn't that enthusiastic and I still passed. So what do you think?
Qns: Do I need to suck up on my tutors?
Ans: Please don't.
Qns: How much do I need to study for exams?
Ans: Ah, here comes the perennial question. How much is enough? Study enough to pass, but don't bother going into details. Many smart-asses in medicine will try to read up little small details and spam them right in front of your face to get this "WOW YOU'RE SO SMART" response. But don't be fooled by them. Reserve your memory for the more important stuff. Asking around to know what's tested, and what's important will do you good.
Qns: If I get onto the dean's list this year, will I be a surgeon next time?
Ans: Maybe, but remember grades from M1 don't exactly factor into specialization. What's vital to get into top specialization are the final MBBS grades and also your ball-licking skills.
Qns: Is it true that medicine is a lot of ball-licking?
Ans: Not for M1. But you'll know soon enough.
Qns: O dear, after reading your guide, I feel like committing suicide!
Ans: Don't worry you're not too late to quit med school.
I hope this guide helps you to get a C at least for your pros (which means you will promote).
Good luck :)
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